Memoirs
by Ireth Melwasul
Summary: "You tried True Love's kiss on me" Emma stated. Killian could see she was replaying the memory as she spoke, and as much as he would've loved to know whether she saw it as something good or something bad, her expression didn't give that much away. Warning for language and kissing.


So this is based slightly on the promotional pictures of 3X12. I actually cannot wait to watch this episode!

Also, the characters **do not** belong to me. All I own is the plot.

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"I never expected my life to be easy, but I sure as hell didn't expect it to be this hard…" Emma sighed and rested her head on Killian's leather-covered shoulder. He didn't move, not even flinched as she nestled herself closer to him. It was a cold night in New York City and Emma had gotten her memories back just a few hours ago and yet the moment was still quite overwhelming for the both of them.

"I can't believe I almost forgot about you completely" she said all of a sudden, making him turn slightly to get a peek at her face.

Maybe it had been the fact that she'd trusted him enough –despite not having her memories– to drink the potion without much questioning, or perhaps the way she'd hugged him, just to kiss him afterwards what had him so perplex and seemingly speechless; because even though he wanted to shout out loud every single emotion he could recognize within his very soul, his lips didn't part, his vocal cords dead.

Killian obviously didn't have any sort of sensibility in his hook; the cold and sharp metallic device became an important and distinguishable part of his anatomy, he'd acquainted to it a long time ago and looking at it didn't feel unfamiliar at all… but there were no nerves, no blood flowing within it; it was just an object attached to his forearm. He knew this, he'd accepted that things would never change, and yet he was astonished when he thought he felt Emma's fingers intertwining with his hook; and he almost fell backwards when he glanced down at where his hand was meant to be and found Emma's hand there indeed, resting peacefully on his lap holding his hook.

He never intended to gasp, never wanted that shiver to run up his spine and spread through all of his body, but he couldn't help either of them and Emma noticed. She slowly drew away from him, lifting her head but never letting go of his hook. She smiled wistfully at him, and then he feared for what was to come…

"You tried True Love's kiss on me" Emma stated. Killian could see she was replaying the memory as she spoke, and as much as he would've loved to know whether she saw it as something good or something bad, her expression didn't give that much away.

"Aye, that I did…" his voice didn't sound like his, it was darker and deeper but hopeful despite the obscure situation.

"It's a shame I wasn't under any curse, otherwise I'm sure it would've worked" and there it was. Her simple yet meaningful confession told him everything he needed to know. She loved him. Emma Swan admitted in her own subtle way that she felt the same way as him.

Killian was not about to push the words out of her right now, he knew very well that saying such a phrase was a big step already, if it could be considered a step and not a leap of faith instead. His heart felt lighter behind his ribcage and wilder than ever, he could listen to the beat inside his head and the adrenaline rushed to every bit of his body. Bloody hell, he could run a marathon and confidently say he would've won it.

"There was a time when you couldn't shut up, Captain Jones… Has this year changed you that much?" Emma fixed her eyes on him and didn't look away until he spoke.

"Not at all, love. I'm pretty much the same man I used to be" _with a few changes_ –he thought to himself.

His short responses –or the lack of them, actually, didn't seem to bother her as much as they seemed to encourage her to keep talking. Emma had always been an open book to him, not hard to read at all, but it had been always him the one to sort her out. Emma never spoke openly about her emotions unless they've been building up for long she had to burst them out unwillingly, and he was no clairvoyant to know what she was going to say next, but he felt deep in his gut that she was about to open up to him.

"When the curse was about to hit and I was about to get in the car with Henry; Killian, I was not going to say goodbye to you," her voice shook and he _felt _her grip on his hook tightening "I didn't think I was capable of doing it. You had fucking promised to win my heart after we'd gotten back to Storybrooke, you said it'd be because I wanted you. And I did, _I wanted you_. It was tearing me apart to know that we would never get our chance, never know what it could've been. I couldn't look at your face and see all that I was about to lose forever…" Killian looked at her then, his heart clenching painfully when he saw the tears welling in her eyes, but remained silent "Did you really think of me every day?" she asked and he nodded, he noticed her shoulders easing down slowly "I felt hope when you said that you would, but honestly, now that I'm back in my own mind… Back then I never expected you'd come and find me someday. I wanted it, so, so bad, but I never believed you would. And when you kissed me at my door it felt so familiar and natural it scared me to death. I guess that's why I drank the potion, I was desperate for answers, wanted to know who you were and why I felt this awkward pull."

Emma took a deep breath and then she couldn't hold back the tears any longer, they fell easily from her eyes and rolled smoothly down her cheeks, lingering on the edges of her face before meeting their death, crashing against her lap.

"When I saw you, well, recognized you again, it felt like I was gluing all my pieces back together. I think I have never been happier to see someone again."

Then Emma quickened her speech and she sprinted with her words" And I know you probably already knew this because you're always saying I'm some open book to you, but since my life is constantly getting fucked up, I'm not taking any chances. I don't know if we're going to part again someday and I wanted you to know this, I needed you to know that everything I just said to you, this whole speech was behind that _good_ I told you on our last day in Storybrooke" with that Emma dropped her hand down and sobbed quietly.

Killian rushed to embrace her tenderly in his arms, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head and held her for what felt like ages… making up for the time they lost.

"I will always come back for you, Emma. It's time you stop doubting that, love" he said and laughed a little as he uttered that last sentence.

Emma raised her head and looked at him lovingly.

"Mary Margaret and David say they will always find each other, I guess I never understood what that meant until now. _You found me_" Emma smiled then, her smile just as bright as the one she wore whenever she was with Henry.

"I'm a pirate, Swan. Pirates are good at finding treasures" Killian couldn't hold back any longer and he leaned forward to kiss her. At first it was a feather like sensation, but then she opened her mouth to kiss him back with passion, blossoming like a flower just for him. Just like in their first kiss, he placed his hand behind her head and pressed her closer to him. He groaned into her mouth when she nibbled at his upper lip, and Emma just placed her hands over his chest before sliding them up, finally clutching the collar of his coat, anchoring herself to him. As the pirate captain he was, he needn't ask for permission, so when he saw the opportunity to delve his tongue inside her sweet mouth, he took it. Emma moaned and slid her tongue out to meet his, beginning a dance they were not familiar at all with but that felt natural at the same time.

They would've kept kissing if it hadn't been for the throat clearing behind them or the soft click of a door closing.

"Mom…" Henry's voice sounded loud and clear, both Emma and Killian turned around immediately and fixed their eyes on him. They had totally forgotten they were sitting at Emma's living room and that Henry would come back from his friend's house any minute "who is this?" oh right. Killian still needed to shove another bottle of potion down Henry's throat, hopefully with Emma's help.

"He's Killian" there wasn't much to explain, the lad knew who he was after all, he just couldn't remember. Soon after that odd 'first' meeting, Emma asked him for the potion and handed it to Henry. At first he refused, but after some more explanation he drank it.

His first reaction was to smile, not at Emma but at Killian.

"An entire year? I was hoping you'd come sooner, honestly" said Henry before leaving them alone again, he headed to his room and they heard him shutting the door close.

Emma looked at him and laughed whole heartedly now, she never let go of his collar, so when Emma fell backwards onto the couch, she dragged him along with her, making him land just above her. Killian propped himself on his elbows and looked at her with longing.

"Stay the night?" she asked while she brushed her lips against Killian's.

He shortened the distance between them, pecking at her lips rather than kissing her.

"As you wish."

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I really needed Emma to do the talking this time, have her being the one expressing her feelings at last.

Review? :)


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